Mitakihara Junior High
by thisissparta789789
Summary: This story follows the exploits of Kyoko Sakura, Madoka Kaname, Homura Akemi, Sayaka Miki, and Mami Tomoe in the city of Mitakihara in Japan. Needless to say, even the most seemingly-mundane cities have their fair share of weird. (All characters and events in this show-–even those based on real people–-are entirely fictional. This story contains coarse language and violence.)
1. Kyoko Gets Abducted By Aliens

At Mitakihara Junior High School, a group of friends was talking amongst themselves during lunch break. A red-haired one says, "I had this really weird dream I was abducted by aliens last night."

A yellow-haired one named Tomoe Mami replied, "Sakura-san, you always have weird dreams, especially about us."

"Shut up!" Kyoko blushed. "But this one was really life-like. It was as though I really was kidnapped by aliens and then experimented on."

"Trust me, Kyoko-chan," said a pink-haired one. "It wasn't real. If it was, Sayaka-chan would have noticed. You 2 live right next door to each other, right?"

"Yes we do," Sayaka replied. "Madoka-chan, wanna stop by my house after school? You forgot a piece of homework due tomorrow."

"Oh shit! I forgot all about that! Thanks for reminding me, Sayaka-chan."

"Hey," a black-haired one said. "Did any of you guys happen to see my cellphone with me?"

"Nope," replied Mami. "Sorry, Akemi-san."

"Dammit," Homura replied. "I must of left it at home."

* * *

After school, Kyoko tried to sleep, but she was soon awaken by a sound at her door. She looked up and saw 2 gray beings open the door and step in. One of them said, "You're coming with us again."

"Oh fuck no," Kyoko replied. She tried punching an alien, but she was then knocked out by a hit to the head.

* * *

When Kyoko woke up 74 minutes later, it was 1:32 in the morning. An alien said, "You've awoken."

"Huh," Kyoko said. "Wait, where the fuck am I? Why the hell am I chained to a table? **And why the fuck am I naked?!**"

"We just inserted a tracking device into your birth canal. Nothing major. It's very tiny, so it should not impact your reproduction methods you humans use."

"First off, I'm a lesbian, meaning I like only female humans, and second, _**what the fuck?!"**_

"That is interesting to know. We've never abducted a human who was attracted to the same sex as they were before. We did abduct one who was attracted to both sexes once, though. Anyway, the tracking device will enable us to further study the human species. Consider it an honour, Kyoko Sakura of Mitakihara, Japan."

_**"You perverts put a tracking device in my fucking vagina?! When I get outta these chains, I'm gonna kick your asses!"**_

"Captain, we should probably release the patient now before she gets combative."

"Agreed," said the Captain of the alien ship. Kyoko was then knocked out again by another blow to the head.

* * *

The next day at school, Kyoko said to Sayaka, "Last night. I was definitely abducted by aliens. They even put some tracking device in my... Well... Birth canal..."

Sayaka replied with a flat-out, "What the hell?"

"I'm being serious. Honest to God, I am."

"Kyoko-chan, you weren't abducted by anything, much less aliens."

"Hey girls," Mami said. "What's going on?"

"Kyoko-chan says she was abducted last night," Sayaka replied.

"Really," Mami. "Abducted?"

"**I'm being serious! **It was real!" Then, a bolt of lightning came down from the sky and hit Kyoko. She immediately began singing "Connect" by ClariS for 45 seconds as the actual song came out of her mouth, as if it was a recording being played back. Then, she suddenly stopped when another bolt of lightning hit her.

Sayaka said, "What the hell was that?"

"Oh my God," Mami said. "You were right!"

Kyoko, annoyed, replied, "I told you!"

"Alright," Sayaka said. "What do we do? Kyoko's being abducted by aliens. How do we solve this?"

"I have an idea, Miki-san," Mami said. "We could sleep over at Sakura-san's house and watch for any aliens."

Kyoko blushed at the suggestion. She said, "Alright, alright."

* * *

At 12:06, the aliens came again. This time, Mami and Sayaka were waiting in their magical girl outfits, ready to fight. Sayaka woke up Kyoko as Mami whacked an alien with a musket. Kyoko transformed and then followed the other alien to the ship.

After several minutes, they arrived. They found a giant saucer-like ship with several other gray aliens guarding the outside. Mami took care of them by sharpshooting the guards with a rifled musket. "Good work, Mami-san," said Sayaka.

The 3 of them then stormed the ship. However, they were surrounded and forced to surrender. Then, the alien's Captain appeared before them. He said, "Hello there. I know your names. Sayaka Miki, Mami Tomoe, and Kyoko Sakura, I presume?"

"Ya know what, bitch? I got 4 words for ya," Kyoko replied. "Shut the fuck up!"

Mami replied, "Why are you so rude to him?"

"You would be too if he had his scientists implant a tracking device in your vagina."

"Now now," the Captain replied. "That was only to research the human species. And thanks to you and countless other abducted humans, we can now plot the extinction of humanity!"

Sayaka said, "The extinction of what now?"

"C'mon," Mami said. "I just wanna go home, for Christ's sake!"

"Too bad," said the Captain. "Since you heard our plans, it's time for you 3 to die!"

Then, a man's voice said, "Not if we have anything to say about it!"

Suddenly, Seal Team 6 charged into the alien ship and killed all of the aliens in an epic battle. Mami, Kyoko, and Sayaka all were freed and even joined in on the battle. Sayaka forced an alien to kneel down on its knees before decapitating it, while Kyoko impaled 2 aliens at once, while Mami blew the Captain's head off with a Tiro Finale.

Finally, the leader of the Seal Team 6 said, "Thank you, all of you, for helping America and Japan defeat these aliens that tried to wipe out humanity. Now get back to bed. I assume you 3 have school tomorrow, right?"

* * *

The next morning, the 3 girls were honoured by the school and the President of the United States for their actions. The principal of the school even let Kyoko give a speech. He said, "Sakura Kyoko would be honoured to give a speech to the world."

"Hello, everyone," Kyoko began. "I learned in those tense minutes that we were trapped that we are not alone out there. However, not everyone out there is friendly. There will come a day where we face an even greater extraterrestrial threat greater than the one we had yesterday. When that time comes though, we will be ready, and we will win!"

The crowd cheered wildly in response to Kyoko's speech. The principal then said, "Thank you, Kyoko. Now, let's move on to a different subject..."

* * *

Kyoko sat down with her friends during Lunch Break. Homura said, "Congratulations, Kyoko-chan. You did very well."

"Thank you," Kyoko replied.

"I realised something that day too," Mami said. "It is important that I share it."

"Well then go ahead," Kyoko replied. "We'd like to hear your words of wisdom."

"Next time any of you idiots pressure me into going on some crazy adventure, I'm just gonna say, 'Screw you guys, I'm going home.'"


	2. White Incubator Down

One night, in the city of Mitakihara, Madoka was sleeping in her room when she suddenly got a call on her cellphone. She didn't recognise the number, but decided to answer it anyway. She said, "Who are you? It's 2 in the morning, I wanna go back to sleep, man."

"Hey, Madoka," a voice said. "It's Kyubey."

"KYUBEY?! How do you know my cell?"

"Homura told me. Anyway, I kinda have a problem. I was flying in a transport plane with several other incubators in our human forms when we got shot down over Afghanistan."

"Wait, what? Why were you and your friends in a plane, and where the hell were you guys going?"

"The US Government was bringing 15 incubators in human form to Kandahar for a secret meeting, me included, when we got hit by a missile over some rural part of Afghanistan. We all teleported to a US base in Saudi Arabia to board a plane. Madoka, I need your help."

"Oh God. I'm gonna regret saying this, but I'll help you."

* * *

Later, at school, Madoka broke the news to her friends. "So, that;s the story," she said. "So who wants to help me rescue Kyubey from Al-Qaeda and the Taliban?"

"Count me out," said Kyoko. "That fucker should stay where he is. He's an asshole."

"C'mon," Madoka begged. "I need all of you to help me. I can't do this alone, for Christ's sake! Look, Kyubey may be a dickwad, but he's OUR dickwad. It just won't be the same if we let him die over there over and over again. Whaddaya say?"

"Fine," replied Homura. "But only because I can't let you die."

"Ugh," Kyoko said. "Count me in."

"Us too," said Mami and Sayaka at the same time.

"Good," said Madoka. "Now all we need to do is get Hitomi-chan, Nagisa-chan, and Kyousuke-kun."

* * *

The gang walked to Hitomi and Kyousuke, who were talking about an upcoming music performance. Madoka asked, "We need you 2 to join us on a mission."

Hitomi said, "What now?"

Sayaka said, "It's complicated. An old friend of Madoka's was shot down over Afghanistan, and he called her and asked for help. And we need all the help we can get."

"Okay," Kyousuke replied. "I have nothing to do this weekend. I'm in."

"Kyousuke-kun," said Hitomi in bafflement. "Why would you just easily off-the-bat agree to such a dangerous and ridiculous idea?!"

"Because I'm bored as hell," he replied.

"But...," Hitomi stammered. "Ugh, fine. Count me in. But if any of this goes wrong, you'll all regret it."

* * *

The gang then visited Nagisa's house. The elementary schooler opened the door and said, "Hello, Mami-san and friends, how's your day going?"

"Nagisa-chan," began Mami. "We need you to join us to go to Afghanistan."

"Why would I do that," asked Nagisa. "That's a bajillion miles away from Japan."

"Fine," said Mami. "We'll give you cheese if you come with us."

"Count me in then!"

* * *

The 8 of them all made up excuses for their parents for the weekend and went to the location where Kyubey told Madoka that a white van would pick them up to go to a private jet at Mitakihara International Airport at 16:05.

At exactly 16:05:00, a white van pulled up. Out stepped a man dressed in a black suit with sunglasses who said, "You 8. Get in, now."

At 16:28, they boarded the private jet. The plane was a Cessna Citation with 9 passenger seats. It would make refueling stops at Seoul, Beijing, Shanghai, Chungking, Lhasa, Delhi, Islamabad, and finally would arrive at Kandahar. The wreckage of the C-130 Kyubey was on was in the province of Herat, about 30 miles from Afghanistan's border with Iran. Once arriving at Kandahar, they would be briefed and then flown to Herat City.

* * *

At 0:45 the next day, they were briefed in Kandahar. A general said to the group, "We are counting on the 8 of you to retrieve the survivors and the secret military documents on that plane."

"C'mon man," Kyoko said. "I just wanna go home."

"The wreckage is probably teeming with Taliban fighters armed with AK-47s and RPG-7s. We will have Apache Attack Helicopters on standby in case you need close air support."

"We don't care," Sayaka said. "We just wanna get Kyubey and go home."

"We don't give 2 shits about the other things," Kyoko said. "Let's just get the mission done and go home."

"I wish the 8 of you the best of luck," the general said before saluting them.

* * *

At 2:06, the team of 8 landed undetected about 10 miles from the crash site. Mami said, "Guys, if we don't make it, I just wanna say this."

"Well," Kyoko replied. "What is it?"

"You guys are all fucking crazy," Mami said.

"Shhh," Madoka said. "I hear voices."

Not too far away, several Taliban fighters were talking amongst themselves about the day's events. Sayaka said, "Homura-chan, can you spawn me a Sniper Rifle, preferably a silenced one?"

"Sure," Homura replied. "I'll get you the Russian VSS Vintorez." She then paused time and conjured up a Vintorez rifle with a 10-round magazine. She gasped from exhaustion before restarting time, cocking the gun, and setting it to semi-auto. "Here."

"Thanks," Sayaka replied. She then aimed down the scope and fired 4 times, killing the 3 fighters. "I got 'em."

"You kicked their asses," Kyoko replied. "Why dontcha let me try that gun out?"

"Fine," Sayaka said as she handed the gun to Kyoko. "Keep it on Semi-Auto. If you run out of bullets, ask Homura-chan for another magazine."

* * *

At 3:23, they got to the crash site. Madoka whispered, "Kyubey. Are you there?"

"Huh," a voice said. "Who are you? Wait, Madoka! You got here!" Kyubey then emerged from the darkness in his human form.

"So that's what you would look like as a human," Nagisa said. "Where are the others?"

"All the humans are dead," Kyubey replied. "But 9 of the 15 incubators, me included, are still alive."

Then, suddenly, a rock fell from a clifftop above them, having been pushed by some Taliban fighters, and fell on Mami, crushing her to death.

"Oh my God," Madoka said. "They killed Mami!"

Nagisa shouted, "You bastards!"

Then, a group of Taliban fighters appeared from above and fired down at them. Homura got out an M-16 and fired back at them, while Kyoko shot several fighters with the Vintorez before running out of bullets and grabbing a dead soldier's grenade. She then pulled the pin and threw it, blowing a fighter to bits and pieces.

Nagisa, in the meanwhile, grabbed a fully-loaded Beretta from the same dead soldier and quietly walked up onto the cliff. She then suddenly appeared from behind and gunned down the remaining 9 fighters. She simply said afterwards, "I did it!"

Then, a massive group of 50 fighters appeared and opened fire. Kyubey asked, "Homura, do you mind getting me 2 Uzis? Homura quietly spawned 2 Uzis and handed them to Kyubey, who then fired them both at the fighters.

Madoka transformed and fired several arrows at the fighters, impaling several. She then grabbed a radio and said, "We need help! We need help! We're at the site, we need help!"

Soon afterwards, 3 Apaches that had been hiding and hovering nearby appeared and fired rockets at the fighters, killing them all. Meanwhile, Nagisa grabbed the secret documents and then radioed for an evacuation copter.

By 3:48, the team and the 9 survivors, along with the documents, were safe and sound aboard a Chinook that was bringing them to Herat.

* * *

At Herat, the team of 8 were congratulated for their bravery at a ceremony attended by soldiers. Kyubey said to the crowd, "These 8 brave girls, 1 of whom had to go somewhere for a break by the way, are the finest magical girls I have ever had the pleasure to contract. Speaking of that, I will be briefing the US Government more about the existence of Magical Girls and Incubators. I hope that we and the human race will enjoy a nice and open relationship as intergalactic allies. These 8 girls, and the many other magical girls out there, are the nuclei of that great relationship."

Then, suddenly, during the ceremony, Homura, who had earlier gone to the bathroom, rappelled down in full tactical body armour and shot Kyubey in the head, before radioing, "Tango down, Tango down, KIA."

Kyoko, who initially stared in shock, then exclaimed, "We got him!"


	3. Are You There, God? It's Me, Darwin

At the beginning of the school day, Kazuko Saotome informed her homeroom, "In honour of Charles Darwin's birthday, I will be reiterating the concept of Evolution. Now, I for one think it's a giant load of bullcrap, but I'm forced to do this." She then pulled out a poster of the theory of evolution. "So in the beginning, we were all fish, then one day some fish had some retard baby. And then that made more retard babies across multiple generations until one retard baby gets the ability to breathe air and grows weird legs."

Kyoko said quietly to Madoka, "What the fuck?"

Madoka whispered, "I know."

"So then," Ms. Saotome continued. "The retard baby with legs had buttsex with a frog, and then that gave birth to a frog squirrel, which then had buttsex and produced a retard monkey baby, which then had buttsex with some gorilla, and then that gorilla had buttsex with a cave man, and that made **you. **There you go, folks, you're all the retarded offspring of a giant animal buttsex orgy. Congratulations."

* * *

After school, Kyoko was working at a delivery restaurant. Her boss said, "You got a delivery to Cryogenic Enterprises."

At 6:07, Kyoko went into CryoEnt's office and said, "Food delivery for... Uhh... I C U P? Oh damn it! Another prank call delivery!" She then decided to sit down and eat the food herself, since no one else was going to. Suddenly, her chair fell and she went into a cryogenic freezer. She tried to unlock herself, but she was unable to before being frozen.

* * *

In the year 2414, exactly 400 years later, Kyoko was awakened by a scientist, who said, "Welcome to the year 2414 C.E."

Wait," Kyoko said, "What year was that?"

"2414?"

_**"HOLY SHIT! I'M IN THE FUTURE!**_Look, I ain't supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be in the year 2014."

"Hmmm," the scientist said. "We will help you. In the meantime, you must come with us. We have so much to tell you."

* * *

"So that's how humanity has progressed since the year 2014," the scientist ended.

"Wait," Kyoko said. "So you're telling me that my teacher, Saotome Kazuko, who _**fucking hates**_evolution and everything associated with it, switched sides, got married, and abolished religion?"

"Yes," the scientist said. "That is correct."

"Okay, I got 3 words for you," Kyoko repled. "Holy fucking shit."

Then, suddenly, they all heard a loud bang. The scientist said, "Oh no! They're attacking again!"

"Who is?"

"I forgot to tell you. Ever since Atheism won, we have been split into 2 camps, the Confederation of Unified New Thought Scientists, and the Federation of Alternate Geographical Scientists, a group of radical geologists. Both of the groups hate each other." Then, the door to the lab was blown up. The scientist exclaimed, "Oh my Science!" Kyoko immediately transformed and managed to impale several geologist soldiers.

She then exclaimed, "Fantasma Rosso!" She then split into 8 clones and attacked the geologists from all sides, massacring them. She also picked up a Plasma Gun and shot several geologists.

After the battle, Kyoko managed to get away. She then tripped over a weird device. When she looked at it, she said, "Alright! A weird toy thing that you can use to prank call the past!" Kyoko dialed Sayaka's number on the date of her disappearance at 8:08. She said, "Hey, Sayaka, are you there?"

* * *

Back in 2014, Sayaka picked up her cellphone and said, "Hello? Who are you?"

"Listen to me," Kyoko said. "It's Kyoko. I'm in the year 2414. I need you to go to this place called Cryogenics Enterprises and unfreeze me so that Saotome-sensei doesn't take over the world and abolish religion."

Sayaka replied, "Okay, what the actual fuck, Kyoko?"

"Just trust me!"

"Alright, Kyoko-chan, but if this is a prank, I'll murder you."

"Good!"

* * *

Sayaka arrived at the office of CryoEnt in her magical girl outfit just in case. She looked around and saw Kyoko frozen in a chamber. She quickly ran over and released her. She said, "You were right about everything!"

Kyoko, confused, said, "What?"

"Wait," Sayaka said. "You don't remember the part about Saotome-sensei abolishing religion and you in the year 2414?"

"No," Kyoko replied.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Thank God you're okay."

* * *

The next day, Sayaka theorised how Kyoko's disappearance would trigger Ms. Saotome to become an atheist and abolish religion. It then hit her! She theorised that Ms. Saotome would have been grief-stricken over Kyoko's disappearance and met a guy who would have 'converted' her to Atheism. Eventually, she would have led a revolution to topple world governments and abolish religion. It all made (some) sense now!

Kazuko said to the class, "Now, children, can any of you, off the top of your heads, tell me the answer to 2x+8=36? C'mon children, don't be shy." Then, Nakazawa raised his hand. "Yes, Nakazawa-kun?"

"Does x equal 16?"

"Okay, let's get an answer from someone who isn't a complete retard. Anyone?"

Sayaka exclaimed, "I know the answer, Saotome-sensei!"

Kyoko replied by mocking Sayaka voice by saying, "Memememememememe."

"Shut up, Kyoko," Sayaka retorted.

"Hey, don't tell me to shut up, you fucking-"

"Kyoko," Ms. Saotome said, "Did you just say the F word?"

Kyoko confusingly replied, "Faggot?"

"No," sayaka said. "She's talking about 'fuck.' You can't say 'fuck' in school, you sailor mouth!"

Ms. Saotome exclaimed, "Miki-san!"

Kyoko said, "Why the fuck not?"

Ms. Saotome exclaimed, "Sakura-san!"

Madoka said, "Dude, you just said 'fuck' again!"

Ms. Saotome exclaimed, "Kaname-san!"

Hitomi, confused, said, "Huh? What's going on?"

Ms. Saotome exclaimed, "Shizuki-san!"

Kyoko then said, "What's the big deal, they're just words, Saotome-sensei."

Ms. Saotome replied, "How would you like to go see the school counselor?"

Kyoko retorted, "How would you like to suck my metaphorical balls?"

The entire class gasped in response. Ms. Saotome just stood there, mouth wide open, in shock. Madoka facepalmed and said, "Holy shit, dude."

"And by the way," Sayaka said, "X in that equation equals 12."

Hitomi said to Kyousuke, "Kyousuke-kun, about that word. Do you wanna-?"

Not now, Shizuki-chan," Kyousuke said. "I'm busy writing all this down."

"Oh," Hitomi replied. "Alright, I'll ask later."


	4. Minecraft Mania

One night, while sleeping in her room, Madoka was suddenly awoken by her half-naked mother, who asked, "Madoka, how do you tame a horse in Minecraft?"

Madoka said, "Wait, you're playing Minecraft? Ugh, I'll tell you in the morning."

* * *

The next day, after getting her homework done, Madoka connected over Skype with the rest of the 5 plus Kyousuke, Hitomi, and Nagisa over Skype as they played on a server set up by Sayaka. Then, while they were expanding and fortifying a village to protect it from hordes, they heard another caller join the chat. Madoka accepted it. Big mistake.

"Hey," Junko said. "I'm really getting into this Minecraft thing. Hey, guys, can I get over to you guys?"

"Hold on, mom," Madoka said. She then teleported her mom to the village.

"Thanks, Madoka-chan," Junko said. "What can I do now?"

"Just stay here," Kyoko said.

"C'mon," Mami replied. "Let her do something, Sakura-san. Don't be so rude."

"Fine. Kaname-san, I guess you can help me build the walkway along the wall."

Junko replied, "Yay!" Then, a new player entered the server. Their username was PurposefulArchitecture224.

Sayaka said, "Who the hell is PurposefulArchitecture224?"

Then, PurposefulArchitecture224 began to wreak havoc on the server. He spawned several hordes and even took admin powers away from Sayaka. He then smashed open the wall and let the hordes in. The team of 9 tried to fight back, but they were killed.

Eventually, Sayaka said, "I figured out how to get admin back!" She then got admin back and then permabanned PurposefulArchitecture224 from her server.

Junko said, "Boy, that was a rush. I should tell the guys at work about this game."

* * *

_2 weeks later_

Sayaka was walking up to her parents' room when she noticed that neither of them were there. She then heard several police cars speed down the street with lights and sirens. She ran outside and gasped at what she saw.

Her parents had built a castle on top of an apartment building using boxes and scrap metal shaped and painted to look like Minecraft blocks.

A police officer shouted up to them, "I want the 2 of you to come down from there now. I don't want anyone getting hurt."

Then,Tomohisa Kaname, Madoka's father, arrived with a pickaxe, grabbed the speakerphone, and said, "Hey, Miki Shou, I'm talking to you! Your castle fucking sucks!"

Shou Miki replied, "Fuck you, Tomohisa-kun!"

Sayaka said, "Oh shit, this is bad." She then sent a group text to the rest of the gang of 5 plus Nagisa, telling them to get to her house immediately.

* * *

Mami arrived first. She said, "Wait, so why are the adults playing Minecraft in real life?"

"No clue," Sayaka replied. "Junko must have got them hooked on the game."

Then, Kyoko and Homura arrived. Finally, Madoka arrived with Junko. Mami said, "Thank God your mom's here. Maybe she can talk some sense into these people."

"Uhhh," Madoka replied. "That's not the case, unfortunately. She's here to join the battle. She even brought a Sword, a Bow, and 30 arrows."

"Oh Jesus Christ," Kyoko said. "I knew we never should have gotten them into the game."

"Well," Homura said. "There's nothing we can do but wait and see what happens."

Junko said, "Don't worry, honey, I'm here to kick ass and eat enchanted golden apples, and I'm all outta enchanted golden apples."

"Good," sais Tomohisa. "Hey, where's Tatsuya?"

Tatsuya then got out of Junko's car and said, "Go mama and papa! Yay!"

Madoka said, "Tatsuya-otouto, get back in the car, please."

"Alright, Madoka-oneechan." The group then walked to the front of the castle.

Nagisa then arrived, saying "Hey guys! I'm here!"

"Miki-san, both of you, come down now," a police officer said.

"Don't worry officer," said Junko, "I got this." She then fired an arrow at Shou, Sayaka's father, causing him to fall onto Mami, killing her instantly.

"Oh my God," said Madoka. "They killed Mami!"

Nagisa then shouted, "You bastards!"

Then, Shou got up and charged at Junko with an axe. Tomohisa shouted, "DIE!"

Suddenly, their fight was interrupted when Homura drew a gun and fired 3 warning shots into the air. She then shouted, "All of you, go home. I will take care of this."

* * *

The next day at school, Madoka said, "Thank you Homura-chan. You finally got my parents, and Sayaka-chan's parents, to stop playing Minecraft. Now we can get back to playing it. Anyway, I hope we don't run into that griefer again."

"We won't," said Sayaka. "I took the liberty of banning the griefer's IP address from my server."

"Thank God," said Kyoko. "I have to start all over and recollect all of my items because of that asshole!"

"Hey guys," said Hitomi as she walked over. "What are you talking about?"

Kyoko telepathically said to Sayaka, "Should we get her involved?"

"Nah," replied Sayaka telepathically as well. "She's not the kind of person to be into computer games."

Then, Hitomi said telepathically to both of them, "Or am I?"


	5. My Little Madoka: Fandom Is Magic

Mami said as the gang sat at a table, "So I Tiro Finale'd the witch and finished her off easily. Nothing major."

"Nice job," said Madoka. "I have something to say to. As of yesterday, I am a brony."

Suddenly, everyone stopped laughing and stared at Madoka. Mami said, "You are?! AWESOME!"

Sayaka said, "What the fuck, Madoka-chan?! Don't you know those people are creeps?!"

Homura sided with Sayaka, while Kyoko said, "I don't give a shit. Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Homura said, "Mami, Madoka, those people are pedophiles who took the show away from its main demographic, little girls. They are misogynist, homophobic, transphobic, and racist."

"Shut up," said Mami. "If that were the case, I'd be hating myself. I'm a pansexual girl, am I not?"

Sayaka said, "Fine, if you 2 wanna stay with those creeps, go ahead. But we will not let the bronies live any longer! Homura-chan, let's go mobilise an army and take out the bronies!"

The 2 then marched away. Madoka said, "What the fuck?"

Mami said, "Anyway, what pairing do you like best? I really like AppleDash."

"Me too," said Madoka. "But it's not my OTP. Mine is Discoshy. They're just so CUUUTE."

"Tell me about it," said Mami. "My OTP is actually Flutterdash. I guess I'm more into Yuri than you."

* * *

Later, Madoka saw her parents walk into her room with concern on their faces. Junko said, "Madoka, why are you a brony?"

Tomohisa said, "Junko, I thought I told you, there's nothing wrong with bronies."

"Quiet you," said Junko. "I say there is. Anyway, you know that those bronies are weaklings right? I don't want you associating with them."

Mom, please," said Madoka. "Let me like what I want to!"

"Preposterous," said Junko. "If that were the case, I guess it would be fine if I let you like little boys and become a pedophile! No means no!"

Hey, Junko," said Tomohisa. "You might wanna see this."

* * *

A news reporter said on TV, "I'm standing in downtown Mitakihara right now, where a mob of anti-bronies have rallied to take down what they call 'the brony menace.' When polled, 12% of Japanese citizens side with Bronies, 8% side with Anti-Bronies, and 80% said, 'What the hell is a brony?'"

Sayaka, wearing a brown shirt, said to the crowd, "I lost 2 good friends to the brony menace." She wiped tears from her face. "I refuse to let anyone else become a part of the disease! Their misogyny and homophobia will cease starting today! I will not rest until every last brony is found and killed! Once this is done, we will establish a new world order and rule this planet!"

The crowd cheered. Sayaka continued, "Hail Japan! Hail the Anti-Bronies! Death to the menace!"

Then, another crowd was spotted, this time waving flags emblazoned with My Little Pony characters on them. Mami led this crowd. She said, "End the hate! Stop the violence! Stop the Anti-Bronies and their attacks!"

Sayaka said, "Well, well, well, look who came to get their ass kicked."

Madoka then suddenly ran out and said, "Sayaka-chan! Stop this! Please! I don't want any of you getting hurt!"

"Sorry Madoka," said Homura. She then raised a gun. "If you will not convert, I'm afraid I will have to kill you and reset the timeline."

"You wouldn't dare," said Mami as she transformed and aimed a musket at Homura's head.

Then, Sayaka transformed and held a sword to Mami's throat as she said, "Do it, faggot. I dare you."

"Look who's talking," said Mami. "I know you have had the biggest ladyboner for pretty much everyone in the group. Sure, I do too, but if anything, you're the... Well... You know."

Then, Sayaka shouted, "CHARGE!" Suddenly, Nagisa showed up just in time to see Mami get killed by a rock thrown by an anti-brony.

"Oh my God," said Madoka. "They killed Mami!"

Nagisa shouted, "You bastards!"

Madoka and Nagisa joined the fray and fought the Anti-Bronies for nearly an hour. Hitomi and Kyousuke joined the Anti-Bronies.

Then, suddenly, Kyoko shouted at the top of her lungs, **_"ENOUGH!"_** Suddenly, the entire crowd turned to her. She said, "All of you, shut the fuck up! I did some research of my own. The bronies who are the assholes are a MINORITY of them. Got that? A MINORITY. The majority consist of people like Madoka and Mami. They just like the show and want to associate with other fans of the show.

At the same time, the bronies should realise that not everybody likes My Little Pony. They have the right not to, much like how people have the right to like it. Now, both of you, go home and stop fighting, for fuck's sake! You're disturbing my sleep and the sleep of everyone around me!"

"She's 100% right," said an anti-brony in the crowd.

Sayaka grudgingly said, "Fine, I admit that me and Homura were wrong. Thank you for opening our eyes, Kyoko. Blah blah blah, can I go home now?"

* * *

The next day, Madoka said, "Thank you, Kyoko-chan. You stopped the fighting."

"You're welcome," said Kyoko. "Wanna know why I don't like fandom wars?"

"Why not?"

"You see, I'm a furry, and I got a lotta shit for that. I saw what happened online when furries and anti-furries fought. It was ugly."

"You're a furry? Woah."

"You got a problem with that, Madoka?"


End file.
